I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
