Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
how drunk are you?
Several
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
