I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
