(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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