Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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