She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
