not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found a bag of teeth...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
