Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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