no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
