Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
