So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
