I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
