I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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