The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
