The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
