Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think I won the penis lottery.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
