The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
