he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
