I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
