You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
