Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
