Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Too much gin, very little bucket
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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