neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
