I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
