I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
