Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
