you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
