If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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