omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
