I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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