my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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