There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
