Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
