i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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