Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
foreskin is a definite game changer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
