He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
