Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
