Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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