Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
