those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
