Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
