Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
