I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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