I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
