I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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