we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
