Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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