what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize