My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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