i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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