Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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