He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
