HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
