Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
