My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
