Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
