need another drink. this is the easiest way
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
