Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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