Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
