at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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