she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize