Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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