This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
