Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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