Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
