I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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