I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
