I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
