just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
