the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
