You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the condom got lost in my hair
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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