Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
